‘I’m not taking lives anymore, I’m saving them’: Andrew Koponen turns trauma into art

Andrew Koponen, a volunteer EMT who has worked countless Boise State football games, has proven that traumatic experiences can be turned into art. Koponen has acted for years and recently pursued film writing, creating a project entitled ‘Blue on Blue’ based on an incredibly traumatic experience he had as an Oakland police officer. 

After spending nearly six years trying to get hired by the Oakland Police Department, Koponen said he “got more than he bargained for.” His first year on the job, he and his partner accidentally fatally wounded an undercover officer from their organization, changing Koponen’s life forever. 

“That sent my life down a spiraling drain,” Koponen said. “I stayed on the force for another six or seven years, but it was incredibly difficult.”

After a carjacking incident, though no one was injured, Koponen decided to step away, describing leaving the force as “crushing.” 

Koponen experienced PTSD for years after his time in the force. Now, he advocates for first responders who have had similarly traumatizing experiences on the job. 

“I’m a proponent of emergency responder mental health and wellness,” he said. “I’m a big believer in that because I fought through that for twenty-five years.”

Koponen, who wrestled in high school and college and served in the army, said he felt ashamed to speak to a psychologist as he viewed himself as a “tough guy.” 

“You didn’t want to admit it or tell anybody you were hurting or suffering through nightmares because if you tell them that, you’re worried they’re going to take your gun away and push you aside and say you’re a threat,” he said. “I want the new responders to know that it’s okay, in fact, it’s important to [seek help].” 

After leaving the force, Koponen began speaking to a psychologist and attended three different PTSD retreats as he “fought to get better.” While his psychologist recommended never returning to police work, they suggested he do police acting.

“That’s brilliant,” Koponen said of the idea, “because I can still feel like I can wear the uniform again and not feel ashamed the rest of my life that I left police work due to PTSD. So I did — and it was great.”

Koponen had a deep fear of law enforcement and said he was afraid officers would hate him for what happened. During his first few acting experiences, he said his hands would shake from nerves, but over time, these roles helped him process the complex feelings. 

Koponen’s credits include ‘I Almost Got Away With It’, the original ‘Ant-Man’ where he arrested Paul Rudd, ‘San Andreas’, ‘Venom 2’ and ‘Yellowstone’ where he worked with Harrison Ford, who he said wanted him to tell his Oakland police stories.

While the acting experiences were therapeutic, Koponen said he still had more work to do to process his trauma.

“At a point, I still had to address something that was still deep inside of me, and that’s why I started going, ‘I need to write.’ I couldn’t tell people — I tried to hide from it for fifteen years,” he said.

‘Blue on Blue’, Koponen’s screenplay, which he has worked on for a decade, follows two parallel stories of first responders as they experience traumatic events on the job, and their eventual meeting where they share their experiences. The screenplay was honored as Second Runner Up at the 2025 Beverly Hills Film Festival out of over two thousand submissions. 

Currently, the film is set to be directed by Shaun Paul Piccinino and has three actors attached: Casper Van Dien, Shane Graham and Sean Patrick Flanery. 

“There are still people who probably hate me and will never forgive me for what happened,” Koponen said. “I don’t blame them; that was their loved one, he was a husband and a father. I really wanted to write about it because I was too afraid to talk about it, but it was still holding me in a grip, so then I decided to write a screenplay about it.”

Although he still battled PTSD, Koponen wanted to prove to himself he could still work with the community, and decided to join Ada County Paramedics as an EMT. He has worked countless football games at Albertsons Stadium.

“I wanted to prove to myself and the rest of the world that you can beat PTSD,” he said. “You don’t have to hang your head low the rest of your life.”

Koponen was honored with the Life Saving award from Ada County Paramedics and described the profound impact of saving lives.  

“That was very meaningful to me, I almost want to cry thinking about it,” he said. “I’m not taking lives anymore, I’m saving them. ”

Being a part of the Boise State community is “a very big honor,” Koponen said, and he hopes his son will attend the university to pursue film in the future. “It’s a wonderful, very exciting school and I wish the best for all the students,” he added. 

Koponen’s favorite moment from working the games is when Ashton Jeanty, former Boise State running back, did a flip in front of him and Koponen caught the flying football. 

Going forward, Koponen hopes to find investors for his film and begin filming in Boise by fall 2026. In the meantime, he will continue his EMT work. He also shared that his son wants to begin doing community musical theater with him. 

“I feel like I owe this [film] to the world,” he said. “[It’s] a penance. I’m trying to do something good from a mistake that happened twenty-five years ago.”

Koponen hopes those who are struggling will reach out and find support where they can. 

“I want to encourage everybody, not just first responders, [to] share what you’re going through,” he said.“Find someone you trust, share with them and don’t be afraid to get more professional help.”