2008 Woodie Awards
Truth or Dare: Adventures downtown with Don Juan DeStinko and the girls
SHANNON MORGAN
Editor-in-Chief
Issue date: 10/13/08 Section: Culture
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Luckily, Mary's not a drinker. I didn't have to worry about her trying to give herself alcohol poisoning. She spent her actual birthday doing what she loves best: covering Boise State football. Not that she was disappointed - I think she'd choose the sky box over a bar stool any day.
Neither of us planned to go out Saturday, but it was our co-worker's birthday, so I convinced Mary to join me for a drink before we met up with our dangerously beautiful and intelligent Arbiter Production Coordinator, Lindsey, at Dirty Little Roddy's (not my favorite bar, but they do play fun music to shake your ass to).
I got to Grainey's first and went straight to the bathroom to wait for Mary's text that she'd arrived.
Rule number one for downtown debauchery: always take your friends. I think the lower elements of society wait like predators for a stray female to wander away from the herd so they can strike when she's most unsuspecting, and, they hope, drunk. When I got Mary's text that she was waiting for me outside, it was confirmed to me that my apprehension over being in the bar alone was justified.
As I tried to make a swift exit, I was slapped on the ass by a random group of men passing by. When I turned to see if by chance it was one of my friends, I spotted a man I'll call Don Juan DeStinko.
DeStinko was a tall gentleman who wore sunglasses at midnight and whose cologne smelled like gasoline fumes mixed with some sort of sad, rejected flower. As I scurried out of the bar to retrieve Mary, DeStinko followed. Once outside he tapped me on the shoulder and said, "Are you European?"
I turned around and sized up my would-be suitor and determined that although his future was so bright he had to wear shades, it most certainly wouldn't include a hot and steamy romance with a possibly European me. I replied that I was half Native American and Irish.
He said, "Haha! Then you'll scalp me and drink all my beer?"
Viewing Comments 1 - 1 of 1
Merby
posted 11/05/08 @ 2:09 PM MST
Wonderful story! It was well written and had me laughing and engaged the whole way through. Keep it up!
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