2008 Woodie Awards
Audacious Aunnie's Adventures
ANDREA OYARZABAL
Arbiter Columnist
Issue date: 10/13/08 Section: Culture
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All kidding aside, I was standing in line at a coffee shop the other day and I heard a man say, "We should really capitalize on this green thing." I stopped and thought, "Wow. It didn't take long for this to become a profitable venture." The man was in his late 40's early 50's and had a very serious face. Corporations, the media, and "the man" are trying to market green. The sick part is people are falling for it.
I have met more people who act as if they care simply to seem smart. They attend rallies and they pretend they are green because it gives them something to pontificate on at parties whilst drinking their extra dirty martinis shaken not stirred. They are falling prey to the marketing ideals. Get the college students while they are in their "ism" phase (where they experiment with different isms i.e. vegetarianism, lesbianism, greenism). Get them while they are malleable, while they are deciding who they will be in this lifetime. Co-opt green and there is the potential for millions.
Most recently my co-worker told me of a friend who publicly chided her for using plastic, disposable grocery sacks, instead of the reusable canvas ones. The friend was going to march in a rally that's purpose was aimed at banning plastic grocery sacks. My co-worker's response was she uses the disposable grocery sacks as her trash can liners instead of buying trash can liners. Essentially, it is the same thing. On finding about my co-worker's unlawful acts with grocery sacks, the friend's head spun around, she grew horns, spit fire, and made the clouds start spewing acid rain.
This is where I become the goat-headed, fire-spitting, acid rain producing girl. Even though green has been co-opted and it has become the trendy way, it is still important. Our generation will be the one to truly see global-warming and our bad habits effect on the environment. It's good that people feel passionate to get involved, but there is a problem. The problem is that today while in the ILC, I almost sat on a half-eaten rotten banana. It was wedged in between a bench seat cushion and the backboard. I slapped the banana up on my table and looked around. The ILC is disgusting. It looks like slob and reeks like slob. As I sat there, I saw two young guys (freshly 18 and free from home) sit and open their Corn Nuts and big slab o' cheese respectively (the sharp variety because one asked another "What makes cheese sharp? This sounds like a question for ChaCha.") As they got up and rushed off to class one guy cleaned up his mess while Corn Nut guy left part of his ripped open package and stinky Corn Nut crumbs all over the table. It's wonderful that people are caring enough to pretend about our world, but how can we save ourselves from detriment when we don't even have the energy to pick up our half-eaten bananas and Corn Nut packages and place them in receptacles ten feet away? Does the big stuff even matter if we can't take care of the small stuff first? It's great that you have decided to quit wearing underwear for the cause, but before you remove your underpants, maybe you should try throwing away the cup from your sugar-free vanilla soy latte (which you had to have in a disposable cup because you left your reusable mug at home).
Andrea Oyarzabal is the freshest addition to The Arbiter. Her new column, "Audacious Aunnie's Adventures," will appear weekly, on Mondays, in Culture. Look for her rants, raves, regrets, recommendations and revelations
every week.
Viewing Comments 1 - 3 of 5
eso4
erin
posted 10/13/08 @ 9:29 AM MST
marketers may have the wrong motive (going green to make the green instead of making the planet green) but nobody can argue with the virtue of the result. (Continued…)
Jonathan Schoenfelder
posted 10/13/08 @ 9:33 AM MST
Are the columnists evolving?
August gave us a new in the Arbiter that we will soon forget. Bob Beers brought the noiz, questioning the myth that a theoretical aspect of biological diversity could be applied to the myth of social progress. (Continued…)
Racquel
Racquel
posted 10/20/08 @ 1:51 PM MST
I love this girl.
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